Saturday, October 03, 2009
Who's Got Your Back?
We had this speaker fly in to town to talk to some undergraduate students. Man, was my boss excited! She even told one of his stories to us and it brought tears to her eyes through a smile, she was so excited. I thought, hey, I'll bite, so I checked out his blog. And I thought, all right. That's interesting.
But it wasn't until breakfast came, and we got to sit down with him for nearly two hours and talk before he gave the speech, that I became really excited too. This guy is a corporate executive, a CEO, a New York Times Bestselling author (twice!), and what's funny is that sounds more impressive just now as I typed it than it ever did. At the business school, especially in the career center. you hear a lot of corporate hoopla that sometimes is entertaining enough to well, entertain, but at the end of the day is just some schmuck claiming they have the answer, much like politics.
You can't help thinking that these bestsellers read by businessmen for and written for businessmen might have anything to apply to you, if you're like me, I suppose.
And this may sound pretty stupid, and maybe I was missing something in the first place, but he and the whole point behind his books told a much more human story than how to go out and network so people can bring you your millions. His story was mostly about healing.
He talked about how he had made it to the top and still didn't feel worth at all to be there, and how he was mostly alone and drowning and starting over, and this was after all the corporate success, and all the sales of the first book.
So yeah, the cynic in me could say he needed to say something to sell his second book, but he was just that genuine.
He healed through the relationships he formed, as well as through developing his spiritual life (He went to one of those 10 day Buddhist camps where you sit in silent meditation the whole time, for instance!), and also what seemed to me to be a little cognitive behavior theory (in a way of changing his own thinking and perspective, and breaking his "own glass ceilings", a phrase he borrowed from another businessman's book, which I quite liked.
He said the key is to know that 4% of the people of the world are assholes, but we guard ourselves with the skewed perception that it is the other way around. He said the key should be a handful of relationships, and he challenges his audience to find three, basically three people who are right there with you, who have their own goals, who will hold you accountable and vice versa, who will respect you and love you enough to remain honest at all costs, who will support you -- basically, three strong healthy relationships. These three lifelines as he called him, are part of the bigger picture that everybody needs before they can get anywhere, or at least before they can get there successfully and remain happy while they are doing it. It sounds so simple, but it's quite hard. Could you name three people in your life like that? If not, could you think of some you'd like to be?
Yet another simple piece of the puzzle that gets left out when we're off fighting the world's assholes and hanging tough is the ability to allow yourself to be vulnerable, which is also important.
Suppose something in that is what prompted the fiance and I to finally come clean about our engagement, first to the Assistant Dean, and then to the whole office. She was so excited she called an emergency meeting so we could tell everyone!
We set a date a couple of days ago, and thought it was time. I could already tell from just being honest for those few minutes is going to change our work life completely, and probably make us feel better at home, too. After all, we are no longer leading a double-life.
It felt so good to just be honest.
We had this speaker fly in to town to talk to some undergraduate students. Man, was my boss excited! She even told one of his stories to us and it brought tears to her eyes through a smile, she was so excited. I thought, hey, I'll bite, so I checked out his blog. And I thought, all right. That's interesting.
But it wasn't until breakfast came, and we got to sit down with him for nearly two hours and talk before he gave the speech, that I became really excited too. This guy is a corporate executive, a CEO, a New York Times Bestselling author (twice!), and what's funny is that sounds more impressive just now as I typed it than it ever did. At the business school, especially in the career center. you hear a lot of corporate hoopla that sometimes is entertaining enough to well, entertain, but at the end of the day is just some schmuck claiming they have the answer, much like politics.
You can't help thinking that these bestsellers read by businessmen for and written for businessmen might have anything to apply to you, if you're like me, I suppose.
And this may sound pretty stupid, and maybe I was missing something in the first place, but he and the whole point behind his books told a much more human story than how to go out and network so people can bring you your millions. His story was mostly about healing.
He talked about how he had made it to the top and still didn't feel worth at all to be there, and how he was mostly alone and drowning and starting over, and this was after all the corporate success, and all the sales of the first book.
So yeah, the cynic in me could say he needed to say something to sell his second book, but he was just that genuine.
He healed through the relationships he formed, as well as through developing his spiritual life (He went to one of those 10 day Buddhist camps where you sit in silent meditation the whole time, for instance!), and also what seemed to me to be a little cognitive behavior theory (in a way of changing his own thinking and perspective, and breaking his "own glass ceilings", a phrase he borrowed from another businessman's book, which I quite liked.
He said the key is to know that 4% of the people of the world are assholes, but we guard ourselves with the skewed perception that it is the other way around. He said the key should be a handful of relationships, and he challenges his audience to find three, basically three people who are right there with you, who have their own goals, who will hold you accountable and vice versa, who will respect you and love you enough to remain honest at all costs, who will support you -- basically, three strong healthy relationships. These three lifelines as he called him, are part of the bigger picture that everybody needs before they can get anywhere, or at least before they can get there successfully and remain happy while they are doing it. It sounds so simple, but it's quite hard. Could you name three people in your life like that? If not, could you think of some you'd like to be?
Yet another simple piece of the puzzle that gets left out when we're off fighting the world's assholes and hanging tough is the ability to allow yourself to be vulnerable, which is also important.
Suppose something in that is what prompted the fiance and I to finally come clean about our engagement, first to the Assistant Dean, and then to the whole office. She was so excited she called an emergency meeting so we could tell everyone!
We set a date a couple of days ago, and thought it was time. I could already tell from just being honest for those few minutes is going to change our work life completely, and probably make us feel better at home, too. After all, we are no longer leading a double-life.
It felt so good to just be honest.
Labels: Advice, Books, Keith Ferrazzi
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