Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Delete
So, mostly I've been on Facebook more than MySpace or this. I had to switch because my friends did. I kept Myspace for the friends who had not switched, and also for the blog preferred list, which I nearly never used, but now I'm limiting access to this as well.
I am sick of being identifiable. I want to delete both my Facebook and my music account on Myspace. Part of the problem is they are both under my real name, which was a really dumb decision.
There's another one, though, I can't quite put my finger on -- another reason.
Just before my high school reunion, as expected, I got in touch with a lot people. On one hand, it was cool. On another, the reunion is over.
Facebook is different in that everything is broadcast through the newsreel, although Myspace has recently tried to emulate it with the whole "subscriptions" thing.
There's also this "People You May Know" tool, which is less cool than one might think. What happens is, say I'm friends with somebody, but not friends with someone they know. The site knows two people may know each other through one person, so mostly what happens is it keeps asking if you know someone you can't stand, or someone you recognize but don't know, or someone who, say, dated one of your friends, or maybe an ex-boyfriend, and to use a word a friend and I recently coined, it gets all "tangly."
I'm sick of it. I'm so sick of the tanglies. It's not wrong to want to start over. It's not wrong to not want to be fake, or to not like fake people. It's not. It's not wrong to not talk to people you knew 10 years ago, either. It's not wrong to not desire to talk to exes.
I knew that already, but something in me thought it necessary to learn again.
I went to the reunion, and saw some people in person, but besides a handful of them, the majority have gone back to what they were: faces in a background of my life, part of a past I don't really care to revisit.
I'm healed from the embarrassing awkward parts of high school mostly; it no longer has to do with adolescent angst so much as comfort with where I am. I just hate feeling like I have to justify that to myself, but I guess I do.
I feel guilty, like part of me is not a good person somehow, for not feeling like I have to be friends with everybody, and maybe that dates back to the same period, because around high school, I really did want to be friends with everybody. Maybe part of the tanglies is just leftover things like that.
So, mostly I've been on Facebook more than MySpace or this. I had to switch because my friends did. I kept Myspace for the friends who had not switched, and also for the blog preferred list, which I nearly never used, but now I'm limiting access to this as well.
I am sick of being identifiable. I want to delete both my Facebook and my music account on Myspace. Part of the problem is they are both under my real name, which was a really dumb decision.
There's another one, though, I can't quite put my finger on -- another reason.
Just before my high school reunion, as expected, I got in touch with a lot people. On one hand, it was cool. On another, the reunion is over.
Facebook is different in that everything is broadcast through the newsreel, although Myspace has recently tried to emulate it with the whole "subscriptions" thing.
There's also this "People You May Know" tool, which is less cool than one might think. What happens is, say I'm friends with somebody, but not friends with someone they know. The site knows two people may know each other through one person, so mostly what happens is it keeps asking if you know someone you can't stand, or someone you recognize but don't know, or someone who, say, dated one of your friends, or maybe an ex-boyfriend, and to use a word a friend and I recently coined, it gets all "tangly."
I'm sick of it. I'm so sick of the tanglies. It's not wrong to want to start over. It's not wrong to not want to be fake, or to not like fake people. It's not. It's not wrong to not talk to people you knew 10 years ago, either. It's not wrong to not desire to talk to exes.
I knew that already, but something in me thought it necessary to learn again.
I went to the reunion, and saw some people in person, but besides a handful of them, the majority have gone back to what they were: faces in a background of my life, part of a past I don't really care to revisit.
I'm healed from the embarrassing awkward parts of high school mostly; it no longer has to do with adolescent angst so much as comfort with where I am. I just hate feeling like I have to justify that to myself, but I guess I do.
I feel guilty, like part of me is not a good person somehow, for not feeling like I have to be friends with everybody, and maybe that dates back to the same period, because around high school, I really did want to be friends with everybody. Maybe part of the tanglies is just leftover things like that.
Labels: Facebook, MySpace, Privacy, Relationships, Tanglies
