Monday, November 03, 2008
Day Three
So ... we cut down to six a day on the weekdays for a week.
Then, we did four a day for a week.
Then, we practically gave up, until we changed our minds.
I got really drunk on Halloween. Mostly, on accident. We forgot to eat dinner, and had a beer at a friend's house while getting ready. Then, we stopped by a party. We were supposed to hit up one of my friend's band's shows. A bunch of people were going to be there. Really missed out on seeing my friend BeckySue in her Sarah Palin costume. :( But anyway, I had one drink at the party. Top shelf, Goose in fact, but too much in one, and not enough food. I was finished for the night.
***
It is so lovely, I don't mind saying, to have someone take care of you. A part of me twinges to say that, but to have someone who cares for you in ways you didn't even know you needed.
I have only felt that once before, and not nearly in the same capacity. I once had someone who was older and seemed to know more, and was there for me financially, but less and less emotionally. And less and less physically, and by that, I mean he just was not around. He got a promotion and had to travel more and more for his job. It got to the point where the money he gave me before he left felt like allowance. And when he was gone it was five-minute conversations on the phone and good night. And when he was back it would be fighting or he wanted to hang out with the guys or he wanted to relax after working in Los Angeles, or Dallas or San Antonio or Denver or Phoenix, or wherever else.
It got to the point where wanting to spend time with the person put me in the "needy" category. I'm not saying I didn't whine. I probably didn't handle it in the most mature fashion.
I've been on both sides of that argument -- the needy one, the wanting time one, and the other.
Do you know that feeling where you recite something someone older once told you? Something maybe you didn't believe at the time, or think about since until you hear yourself saying it?
That's how I feel when I have that argument.
***
Lately, the thing I've been realizing, though, is how much work it takes to maintain something, even so wonderful.
I once wrote or believed or came to defend the idea that happiness takes work. I decided at some point, though, that I would rather work to be happy than to stay miserable, because neither is automatic. I just got used to one over the other.
The same is true for relationships, except it's three-fold, because there is you, and the other person, and the relationship. It's best to remind myself of all these layers, just in that all three involve work. To some that may sound simple as well, but I've spent so much time healing on the individual level; it helps to remember.
Omg, though, I swear sometime I will write about something else, but it is the most wonderful feeling to love and be loved, to feel understood, to be excited about everyday things, and the future. It is truly overwhelming, in the best way one could imagine.
I'm just happy.
I'm dying for a cigarette, and I am happy as fucking hell.
So ... we cut down to six a day on the weekdays for a week.
Then, we did four a day for a week.
Then, we practically gave up, until we changed our minds.
I got really drunk on Halloween. Mostly, on accident. We forgot to eat dinner, and had a beer at a friend's house while getting ready. Then, we stopped by a party. We were supposed to hit up one of my friend's band's shows. A bunch of people were going to be there. Really missed out on seeing my friend BeckySue in her Sarah Palin costume. :( But anyway, I had one drink at the party. Top shelf, Goose in fact, but too much in one, and not enough food. I was finished for the night.
***
It is so lovely, I don't mind saying, to have someone take care of you. A part of me twinges to say that, but to have someone who cares for you in ways you didn't even know you needed.
I have only felt that once before, and not nearly in the same capacity. I once had someone who was older and seemed to know more, and was there for me financially, but less and less emotionally. And less and less physically, and by that, I mean he just was not around. He got a promotion and had to travel more and more for his job. It got to the point where the money he gave me before he left felt like allowance. And when he was gone it was five-minute conversations on the phone and good night. And when he was back it would be fighting or he wanted to hang out with the guys or he wanted to relax after working in Los Angeles, or Dallas or San Antonio or Denver or Phoenix, or wherever else.
It got to the point where wanting to spend time with the person put me in the "needy" category. I'm not saying I didn't whine. I probably didn't handle it in the most mature fashion.
I've been on both sides of that argument -- the needy one, the wanting time one, and the other.
Do you know that feeling where you recite something someone older once told you? Something maybe you didn't believe at the time, or think about since until you hear yourself saying it?
That's how I feel when I have that argument.
***
Lately, the thing I've been realizing, though, is how much work it takes to maintain something, even so wonderful.
I once wrote or believed or came to defend the idea that happiness takes work. I decided at some point, though, that I would rather work to be happy than to stay miserable, because neither is automatic. I just got used to one over the other.
The same is true for relationships, except it's three-fold, because there is you, and the other person, and the relationship. It's best to remind myself of all these layers, just in that all three involve work. To some that may sound simple as well, but I've spent so much time healing on the individual level; it helps to remember.
Omg, though, I swear sometime I will write about something else, but it is the most wonderful feeling to love and be loved, to feel understood, to be excited about everyday things, and the future. It is truly overwhelming, in the best way one could imagine.
I'm just happy.
I'm dying for a cigarette, and I am happy as fucking hell.
Labels: Drinking, Happiness, Quitting Smoking, Relationships
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