Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Tick. Tick. Tick.
I'm sitting on the bus after waiting half an hour to go two miles home. I take the bus because I feel safer. I've encountered too many crazies walking, even though I prefer to, on the nicer days.
I always sit on the second seat back on the right, if it is available. I do not know why, except I like it. I always sit in the seat closest to the window. The bus ride is too short to read or write anything, but it's just long enough if you did do one or the other to most likely forget all about your stop.
We pass a high school, and some kids are playing soccer and baseball outside, and the sun is shining.
A few more blocks and I'm off, but still have several blocks to walk. On my walk I am thinking about not thinking. In the half an hour I'd been waiting for the bus, I began to get worried and excited: excited over that, for the first time in my life, pushing 28, I know what I want to be when I grow up, and worried also, about what that means.
I'm thinking about what qualities and experiences I have that can paint this picture into a reality. I'm thinking about the narrow slight of a chance I have (or anyone has) of getting into this program I have wanted to do for a long time, but more recently have been theoretically planning to do, rather than just talking about it.
I'm thinking about not only the competitiveness of the program, but the even slimmer odds that I will get to go where I want to go: 20,000 applicants, a small percentage taken, only 1,000 where I want to go, and that's counting all the slots, not knowing how many will actually be opening up, when it is time.
I have Plan B's and Plan C's and bullets under them:
Goals:
Plan A:
1.
2.
3.
Plan B:
1.
2.
3.
Plan C
1.
2.
3.
I could do this all day. Lots of if/then statements, but it's all really the great unknown, except I know I can do this.
And this place I want to go to, it would be so new, and so huge, and what I would be doing would mean something to me, which makes it even bigger. But in the smallest way on my meeker days I wonder if this is my equivalent of going Into the Wild, and what if the wild swallows me up?
It's nice, though, when I think about it. Just having these things to think about at all. Looking forward to the whole process, when the time comes.
... only nine months or so, and already running a countdown.
I'm sitting on the bus after waiting half an hour to go two miles home. I take the bus because I feel safer. I've encountered too many crazies walking, even though I prefer to, on the nicer days.
I always sit on the second seat back on the right, if it is available. I do not know why, except I like it. I always sit in the seat closest to the window. The bus ride is too short to read or write anything, but it's just long enough if you did do one or the other to most likely forget all about your stop.
We pass a high school, and some kids are playing soccer and baseball outside, and the sun is shining.
A few more blocks and I'm off, but still have several blocks to walk. On my walk I am thinking about not thinking. In the half an hour I'd been waiting for the bus, I began to get worried and excited: excited over that, for the first time in my life, pushing 28, I know what I want to be when I grow up, and worried also, about what that means.
I'm thinking about what qualities and experiences I have that can paint this picture into a reality. I'm thinking about the narrow slight of a chance I have (or anyone has) of getting into this program I have wanted to do for a long time, but more recently have been theoretically planning to do, rather than just talking about it.
I'm thinking about not only the competitiveness of the program, but the even slimmer odds that I will get to go where I want to go: 20,000 applicants, a small percentage taken, only 1,000 where I want to go, and that's counting all the slots, not knowing how many will actually be opening up, when it is time.
I have Plan B's and Plan C's and bullets under them:
Goals:
Plan A:
1.
2.
3.
Plan B:
1.
2.
3.
Plan C
1.
2.
3.
I could do this all day. Lots of if/then statements, but it's all really the great unknown, except I know I can do this.
And this place I want to go to, it would be so new, and so huge, and what I would be doing would mean something to me, which makes it even bigger. But in the smallest way on my meeker days I wonder if this is my equivalent of going Into the Wild, and what if the wild swallows me up?
It's nice, though, when I think about it. Just having these things to think about at all. Looking forward to the whole process, when the time comes.
... only nine months or so, and already running a countdown.
Labels: Goals
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