Monday, March 24, 2008
Postergrrl
I hate Sex in the City. I hate how it portrays these successful middle-aged women as lonely and desperate, and they drink too much. And they buy designer shoes to make themselves feel better.
I tell myself at times that the point of the show is to center on that one area of their lives -- sex or relationships, or the lack thereof. I tell myself that is what the show is about, and that, in the off-screen time, maybe, just maybe, the girls get together and talk about social issues and their families, and other stuff that's happening.
But it's annoying and disheartening. Are these supposed to be some kind of role models for women in their late 20s to aspire to be? Seriously. Or is it some kind of remade 80s Thirty-something feminist backlash thing. And I wonder if there is an air of feminism to the show at all. An inverted air, if anything.
Now that my sisters all have children, I am asked more often about what I want. The only answer is, "Sure, if it fits, I guess."
I love children and of course, having them, although terrifying at the moment as an idea, is great. But I also love helping them in large groups, like at camp, or if I became a teacher, so that's rewarding in itself.
I met this girl the other day who was about my age, and we were talking about this a little.
My spiel is this: If I met someone and we fell completely in love, a love so profound that we could decide together it was enough to want to stay together and make babies, sure, maybe then, in that situation, cool. But I've never really had that, so how the fuck should I know?
And if I did find it, I'm not sure what I would be ready to do with it.
And even if I did know, I would still want to enjoy that love on its own for awhile, before deciding to bring a kid into it.
And so comes the issue of longevity again -- staring me in the face alongside my age and all my other dreams. And I guess it just leaves me with a lot of question marks, or maybe just one huge question mark.
Sometimes I feel like it's just around the corner, waiting for me, and other times, I feel like it's just not meant for me. And most of the time, I try to be OK with both: it is a hope as well as a fear. Another hope is that no matter what I will be happy with myself, with my path, with where I'm at -- when the time comes.
Ellen Willis wrote this column about living alone for several years in her thirties, and feeling this tension between the marrieds and the not-marrieds, among other things. The tension between herself and people who lived their lives differently, and all the negative associations others had about people like her who chose to live their lives their own way.
I don't judge people, or try not to, especially when they are happy. Then if they're happy I'm happy. But I do get so tired of explaining myself.
Only, in Willis' case at least, she had strong opinions about institutions and relationships within them, and how they fell into her own personal thoughts and wants and needs.
Sometimes I'm not even sure I have that, or if so, I've never been truly faced with the question, and so the answer lies deeply buried, just waiting to be dug up.
"I am a postergirl with no poster," Ani D said once.
Yeah, Ani, I know exactly what you mean.
I hate Sex in the City. I hate how it portrays these successful middle-aged women as lonely and desperate, and they drink too much. And they buy designer shoes to make themselves feel better.
I tell myself at times that the point of the show is to center on that one area of their lives -- sex or relationships, or the lack thereof. I tell myself that is what the show is about, and that, in the off-screen time, maybe, just maybe, the girls get together and talk about social issues and their families, and other stuff that's happening.
But it's annoying and disheartening. Are these supposed to be some kind of role models for women in their late 20s to aspire to be? Seriously. Or is it some kind of remade 80s Thirty-something feminist backlash thing. And I wonder if there is an air of feminism to the show at all. An inverted air, if anything.
Now that my sisters all have children, I am asked more often about what I want. The only answer is, "Sure, if it fits, I guess."
I love children and of course, having them, although terrifying at the moment as an idea, is great. But I also love helping them in large groups, like at camp, or if I became a teacher, so that's rewarding in itself.
I met this girl the other day who was about my age, and we were talking about this a little.
My spiel is this: If I met someone and we fell completely in love, a love so profound that we could decide together it was enough to want to stay together and make babies, sure, maybe then, in that situation, cool. But I've never really had that, so how the fuck should I know?
And if I did find it, I'm not sure what I would be ready to do with it.
And even if I did know, I would still want to enjoy that love on its own for awhile, before deciding to bring a kid into it.
And so comes the issue of longevity again -- staring me in the face alongside my age and all my other dreams. And I guess it just leaves me with a lot of question marks, or maybe just one huge question mark.
Sometimes I feel like it's just around the corner, waiting for me, and other times, I feel like it's just not meant for me. And most of the time, I try to be OK with both: it is a hope as well as a fear. Another hope is that no matter what I will be happy with myself, with my path, with where I'm at -- when the time comes.
Ellen Willis wrote this column about living alone for several years in her thirties, and feeling this tension between the marrieds and the not-marrieds, among other things. The tension between herself and people who lived their lives differently, and all the negative associations others had about people like her who chose to live their lives their own way.
I don't judge people, or try not to, especially when they are happy. Then if they're happy I'm happy. But I do get so tired of explaining myself.
Only, in Willis' case at least, she had strong opinions about institutions and relationships within them, and how they fell into her own personal thoughts and wants and needs.
Sometimes I'm not even sure I have that, or if so, I've never been truly faced with the question, and so the answer lies deeply buried, just waiting to be dug up.
"I am a postergirl with no poster," Ani D said once.
Yeah, Ani, I know exactly what you mean.
Labels: Ani Difranco, Ellen Willis, Movies
1 Comments:
I feel the same way at times. I figure that when you find that love of your life, then it will be the right time. If you look at all the failed marriages, you might wonder if some of them never took the right amount of time to get to know that other person. They maybe didn't picture living with them for the long haul. I wouldn't rush marriage, but find the one that's right first. At least that's my philosophy.
By 
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6:33 AM
