Thursday, January 25, 2007
Last Night
The best part of my entire day was doing nothing. Doing nothing except one of the most important things one needs to do in order to exist. To exist on some level where you can deal with everything, and be part of it, and allow it to be part of you.
Last night, the best part of my night was lying on the couch with Nikki and talking about nothing and everything and letting our streams of consciousness run and listening and offering thoughts back and forth.
She just moved to her new apartment, and it's nice and cozy, but she doesn't have electricity yet, you know, that whole five business day thing, so it was cold and rainy outside, and dark and cold inside, with the exception of a blanket we shared and a couple of battery-powered lamps her father gave her.
We bundled up on her couch across from each other, and covered up, huddling with the pillows, and just let our minds unwind.
Nikki and I have seen each other through so much. We've loved each other; we've hated it each other. We've been roommates, we've fought; we've ordered pizza and french fries and watched Smallville episodes one after another; we've spent entire days drinking scotch; we've read each other our poetry; we've cried together about boys; we've gone out to Chapultey and split Nachos and a veggie burger so we could have the best of both worlds; we've shared an umbrella; we've taken substances together and acted a fool, making stories in the present we could laugh about in the future; we've confided in each other about so many things; we've encouraged each other; we call each other up just to see how life is going; we once were in a band together, and every time I play an open mic she is there to cheer me on; we talk about all our dreams and fears and idiosyncrasies; we've talked about the worst things we've ever done, and the worst things we've ever thought; we've forgiven each other for things when we could not even forgive ourselves; we remind each other that we are human even when we are feeling the most painful measures of what it is to be human; we've had coffee and tea, and spent entire days watching crime shows or the history channel; and we're there for each other no matter what.
No matter what. That is the point we have gotten to. The kind of love that is like family. It IS family. It's a feeling of intimacy and history and love that is almost too much to comprehend, because this kind of thing can seem so inevitable and simple yet bigger than ourselves.
What is it in the universe that brings some people together, and what is it about human beings that makes us need it so much, even in times when we want to deny it from ourselves.
I felt so grateful for life and my friends, and love in every sense that it comes to you in life. And what a lucky thing it is for any number of people to get to know each other that well, and to still be interested, and caring and compassionate, taking in all the good and bad with an indescribable empathy and acceptance so beyond wonder it is as much a miracle as it is a fact. A fact worth remembering, seeking, and finding over and over again, because these little discoveries, as Nikki once said, are what keep us so young through all the many lives we lead.
The best part of my entire day was doing nothing. Doing nothing except one of the most important things one needs to do in order to exist. To exist on some level where you can deal with everything, and be part of it, and allow it to be part of you.
Last night, the best part of my night was lying on the couch with Nikki and talking about nothing and everything and letting our streams of consciousness run and listening and offering thoughts back and forth.
She just moved to her new apartment, and it's nice and cozy, but she doesn't have electricity yet, you know, that whole five business day thing, so it was cold and rainy outside, and dark and cold inside, with the exception of a blanket we shared and a couple of battery-powered lamps her father gave her.
We bundled up on her couch across from each other, and covered up, huddling with the pillows, and just let our minds unwind.
Nikki and I have seen each other through so much. We've loved each other; we've hated it each other. We've been roommates, we've fought; we've ordered pizza and french fries and watched Smallville episodes one after another; we've spent entire days drinking scotch; we've read each other our poetry; we've cried together about boys; we've gone out to Chapultey and split Nachos and a veggie burger so we could have the best of both worlds; we've shared an umbrella; we've taken substances together and acted a fool, making stories in the present we could laugh about in the future; we've confided in each other about so many things; we've encouraged each other; we call each other up just to see how life is going; we once were in a band together, and every time I play an open mic she is there to cheer me on; we talk about all our dreams and fears and idiosyncrasies; we've talked about the worst things we've ever done, and the worst things we've ever thought; we've forgiven each other for things when we could not even forgive ourselves; we remind each other that we are human even when we are feeling the most painful measures of what it is to be human; we've had coffee and tea, and spent entire days watching crime shows or the history channel; and we're there for each other no matter what.
No matter what. That is the point we have gotten to. The kind of love that is like family. It IS family. It's a feeling of intimacy and history and love that is almost too much to comprehend, because this kind of thing can seem so inevitable and simple yet bigger than ourselves.
What is it in the universe that brings some people together, and what is it about human beings that makes us need it so much, even in times when we want to deny it from ourselves.
I felt so grateful for life and my friends, and love in every sense that it comes to you in life. And what a lucky thing it is for any number of people to get to know each other that well, and to still be interested, and caring and compassionate, taking in all the good and bad with an indescribable empathy and acceptance so beyond wonder it is as much a miracle as it is a fact. A fact worth remembering, seeking, and finding over and over again, because these little discoveries, as Nikki once said, are what keep us so young through all the many lives we lead.
Labels: Friendship, Relationships, Smallville
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