Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Plans
I'm often torn when it comes to plans. Maybe it's because I'm a realist, always trying to measure the best- and worst-case scenarios; or maybe it's because I'm cynical, because nothing, nor people, no matter what their intentions, can be relied upon.
Or maybe it's because I'm an idealist, and I secretly hope some of the best plans are the ones that weren't planned at all, because underneath the scheme of things, through all the planning and all the days, all the sunsets and all the mornings with coffee and to-do lists running through my brain, is life -- meaning -- and you can only plan so much.
Either way, I'm identifying new goals, and even, (gasp!) envisioning a five-year plan. I remember going on job interviews and being asked where I wanted to be in five years. I couldn't give them an adequate answer because I knew mine was one they couldn't digest. I'm not ready to settle down. I have too many things to do, too many interests, too many friends to miss, meaning I'll miss all of them and learn things from what I miss.
But man, I have some ideas. And I've been dreaming this great dream -- The dream of doing something else. Remember in You've Got Mail when Kathleen Kelly says, "There is the dream of someone else," when she realized she was settling for Frank because they were great friends, and good lovers? I do.
The dream of something else.
Those are beautiful words. Just five little words that make my heart sparkle. The dream of something else is what keeps me happy where I am, and daydreaming of the future.
The dream of something else: another place, another street, something to learn and new people to meet.
The dream of something else: new hopes, new fears, new situations, new let-downs, new lessons and new discoveries.
The something else can be whatever it is. I shall see it for what it is, and hopefully reflect back and smile as I move onto something else's else.
And I might ramble, but it puts me in the best mood to think about how much life is right ahead of me.
Merideth got a promotion.
Renee is doing wonderfully good things.
And Beckie's having a baby.
It makes me so happy to see them happy.
There's so much more. I'm reading and thinking, about my photos and new songs about daydreams and travel and what it was like to be in love, and reflecting on how many challenges I've met and how they were all worth it to get me here: this place in myself where I am happy to just live for now, a place where I can affectionately embrace the present and past, all the while looking toward the future.
I remember when I first started writing songs, and, at the very beginning, I once said I felt the best parts were the ones that were yet to be written. Lately, I'm thinking about life that way. It is comfortable, liberating, exciting and humbling. A balance: in control and out of control -- watching the tides, all the while being part of them.
I'm often torn when it comes to plans. Maybe it's because I'm a realist, always trying to measure the best- and worst-case scenarios; or maybe it's because I'm cynical, because nothing, nor people, no matter what their intentions, can be relied upon.
Or maybe it's because I'm an idealist, and I secretly hope some of the best plans are the ones that weren't planned at all, because underneath the scheme of things, through all the planning and all the days, all the sunsets and all the mornings with coffee and to-do lists running through my brain, is life -- meaning -- and you can only plan so much.
Either way, I'm identifying new goals, and even, (gasp!) envisioning a five-year plan. I remember going on job interviews and being asked where I wanted to be in five years. I couldn't give them an adequate answer because I knew mine was one they couldn't digest. I'm not ready to settle down. I have too many things to do, too many interests, too many friends to miss, meaning I'll miss all of them and learn things from what I miss.
But man, I have some ideas. And I've been dreaming this great dream -- The dream of doing something else. Remember in You've Got Mail when Kathleen Kelly says, "There is the dream of someone else," when she realized she was settling for Frank because they were great friends, and good lovers? I do.
The dream of something else.
Those are beautiful words. Just five little words that make my heart sparkle. The dream of something else is what keeps me happy where I am, and daydreaming of the future.
The dream of something else: another place, another street, something to learn and new people to meet.
The dream of something else: new hopes, new fears, new situations, new let-downs, new lessons and new discoveries.
The something else can be whatever it is. I shall see it for what it is, and hopefully reflect back and smile as I move onto something else's else.
And I might ramble, but it puts me in the best mood to think about how much life is right ahead of me.
Merideth got a promotion.
Renee is doing wonderfully good things.
And Beckie's having a baby.
It makes me so happy to see them happy.
There's so much more. I'm reading and thinking, about my photos and new songs about daydreams and travel and what it was like to be in love, and reflecting on how many challenges I've met and how they were all worth it to get me here: this place in myself where I am happy to just live for now, a place where I can affectionately embrace the present and past, all the while looking toward the future.
I remember when I first started writing songs, and, at the very beginning, I once said I felt the best parts were the ones that were yet to be written. Lately, I'm thinking about life that way. It is comfortable, liberating, exciting and humbling. A balance: in control and out of control -- watching the tides, all the while being part of them.
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