Sunday, August 13, 2006
Thursday, never looking back ...
It's not Thursday, but I did write this on Thursday and became leary of posting it. Also found the Cure lyric suitable in a way ...
...
I'm not a yo-yo.
Or a boomerang that's just caught in a tree.
I have breaking points just like everyone else.
It's almost too much to take. It is too much to take, for a sane person.
How much are you supposed to give when you really love somebody?
It really is a delicate balance, the pendulum swinging from my needs to his.
Lately I've been thinking of my own again.
You can't help it.
I might get angry sometimes. I might screw up. That's part of a relationship. We're talking about human beings here.
But you can't just be in a relationship and go back and forth about how you feel. Or how you need space. You need this. You need that. You have this and that on your plate. And the other person is just supposed to deal with it.
I don't care if the moon is full.
This is about the least fair thing ever.
So I'm up at five a.m. again. Have to work 10 hours tomorrow. I'll sleep it off soon. I almost always do.
...
Now today I am alone. Tonight and tomorrow. I got home after a long day and night, too much coffee and pictures of words and faces and memories and conversations blurring beyond comprehension because i would rather type and try not to think.
I walked in the door and they all stared at me.
"We broke up. I don't feel like talking. I'm going to bed," I said.
And then it was goodnight. But not goodnight 'cause it's almost morning. And here I am.
...
My grandmother is in town. She is my hero. I'm going to see her tomorrow at my mom's house. My mom just had surgery on her shoulder. She's got physical therapy three times a week for now, until it heals some more. I haven't even seen my mom since she went in. I was working tons of hours and my phone broke, but she assured me I didn't need to go with her. My dad went with her.
...
I'm going back to school, and I'm excited and scared. For one thing, all the classes are fucking full. I still have to pay UH some money, and the semester starts in less than two weeks.
I'm also trying to think of a way to go full time and not go crazy.
I'm also thinking about going back to the Cougar to edit copy, if they would have me. Because I miss it.
Oh, yeah, some other things too: Speaking of Thursday, I played open mic at Helios again. I hadn't gone in awhile with moving and work and drama and bull shit, but I'm so glad I went.
I had a really late spot, because I didn't show up till like 10 p.m. to get on the list, but of the people who were still there, the majority loved my stuff. I offered up free copies of my demo. I only brought a few, and I ran out. So I'm getting more copies made to bring next week.
The responses I got were overwhelmingly positive. People really liked and identified with my songs, not to mention musically, they liked it.
I now feel even more empowered to do more. To try harder. To put myself out there ...
What else can I tell you?
I'm done. I think it's Smallville time, then bedtime.
Oh, and the blogging's picking up now that I have internet at home. It's pretty sweet.
It's not Thursday, but I did write this on Thursday and became leary of posting it. Also found the Cure lyric suitable in a way ...
...
I'm not a yo-yo.
Or a boomerang that's just caught in a tree.
I have breaking points just like everyone else.
It's almost too much to take. It is too much to take, for a sane person.
How much are you supposed to give when you really love somebody?
It really is a delicate balance, the pendulum swinging from my needs to his.
Lately I've been thinking of my own again.
You can't help it.
I might get angry sometimes. I might screw up. That's part of a relationship. We're talking about human beings here.
But you can't just be in a relationship and go back and forth about how you feel. Or how you need space. You need this. You need that. You have this and that on your plate. And the other person is just supposed to deal with it.
I don't care if the moon is full.
This is about the least fair thing ever.
So I'm up at five a.m. again. Have to work 10 hours tomorrow. I'll sleep it off soon. I almost always do.
...
Now today I am alone. Tonight and tomorrow. I got home after a long day and night, too much coffee and pictures of words and faces and memories and conversations blurring beyond comprehension because i would rather type and try not to think.
I walked in the door and they all stared at me.
"We broke up. I don't feel like talking. I'm going to bed," I said.
And then it was goodnight. But not goodnight 'cause it's almost morning. And here I am.
...
My grandmother is in town. She is my hero. I'm going to see her tomorrow at my mom's house. My mom just had surgery on her shoulder. She's got physical therapy three times a week for now, until it heals some more. I haven't even seen my mom since she went in. I was working tons of hours and my phone broke, but she assured me I didn't need to go with her. My dad went with her.
...
I'm going back to school, and I'm excited and scared. For one thing, all the classes are fucking full. I still have to pay UH some money, and the semester starts in less than two weeks.
I'm also trying to think of a way to go full time and not go crazy.
I'm also thinking about going back to the Cougar to edit copy, if they would have me. Because I miss it.
Oh, yeah, some other things too: Speaking of Thursday, I played open mic at Helios again. I hadn't gone in awhile with moving and work and drama and bull shit, but I'm so glad I went.
I had a really late spot, because I didn't show up till like 10 p.m. to get on the list, but of the people who were still there, the majority loved my stuff. I offered up free copies of my demo. I only brought a few, and I ran out. So I'm getting more copies made to bring next week.
The responses I got were overwhelmingly positive. People really liked and identified with my songs, not to mention musically, they liked it.
I now feel even more empowered to do more. To try harder. To put myself out there ...
What else can I tell you?
I'm done. I think it's Smallville time, then bedtime.
Oh, and the blogging's picking up now that I have internet at home. It's pretty sweet.
Labels: Breaking Up, Insomnia, Relationships, Smallville
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