Rock Star Hour

Logic vs. Emotion?

So, I've been having this argument in my head for what seems like months. It's frustrating for me for many reasons, the biggest one being that I think a person's individual answer to this question would underlie so many actions and decisions.

This also bothers me because it's one of those things I've had conviction about for a number of years. One of those things you hold to yourself as true. And perceived universal truths are definitely useful in interpretting sequences of events.

One night I was getting off work from Slicks, brushing off tables and talking to Aaron. We were both sort of talking about past relationships. The question came up, about what would happen in a situation where both persons involved did everything "right". Is that all it takes? My answer was a definitive no. But my explanation, as something I used to believe so strongly, has echoed back and forth in my head ever since. I said, "No. Because emotions aren't logical. You could 'do everything right' and it still could not work." Basically, I thought emotions were irrational and unpredictable.

Maybe also because I've been on both sides of a relationship where things should have been perfect, but didn't add up. Where I thought the person I was seeing possessed certain qualities that should make me want them. I added it up to emotions not being logical.

But lately, for so many reasons I disagree, and one blog is not going to be enough to sort this out, I know.

From that discussion alone, there are so many tangents. First, the idea of doing everything "right". On the surface, it could just mean the obvious things: no violence, no cheating, no raising one's voice. And learning to express emotions, and be honest with yourself and your partner. Being true to yourselves and each other.

I suppose, but everything else is subjective. Because people love in different ways. And not everyone needs the same things.

The first flaw in my argument, that had ceased to be an argument and rather a concrete staple in my thinking for the last few years, was that emotions are biological responses in the working system of the body.

The body, and science, no matter how ignorant I may be in specifics regarding the topic, is recognizably a system.

So how could hormones firing off as part of a working, biological system, be illogical? The only exception I could think of would be when someone has a chemical imbalance. For the sake of argument, I'm going to generalize and leave those with chemical psychological conditions out of this.

Then there's also the fact that the belief in illogical emotions is a catch-all. It causes laziness. If something doesn't work out, you can chalk it up to emotions, rather than an effect of an action, or even a behavioral pattern. It works against reflection toward the self and also the world.

Take the pattern argument. Many people pursue relationships with those who are doomed from the start, for whatever reasons. Take the example of those who are looking to save someone, or even those who are looking to be saved, because that's one I think is rather common. The relationships usually end with one or the other realizing that person either cannot save them, or that the one who is being saved doesn't want that at all. But if the whole basic nature of the relationship is overlooked up to the bitter end, it would be quite easy to end up in a similar situation the next time. And second chances are what life's about sometimes. And that's why falling in love seems new each time. So I think we can all know the disappointment of what it feels like to repeat mistakes, to waste second chances. It's not like I haven't.

Dave gave me a lot to think about, after discussing this the other night, since it's been brewing slowly with me for awhile. He quoted Ayn Rand as saying, "I can explain every emotion I've ever had."

This argument was further sent to the forefront of things with me, considering my experience at camp this summer. Having to work and live with my long-time ex, watching whatever romance blossom between him and a friend, while I simultaneously have developed a love of my own.

One of the things that made it so hard to explain I believe, was that I've never in my life felt that combination of emotions. What it jealousy? Hell no. Was it anger? Not exactly. I did know it was disappointment, because it completely contradicted every expectation I had about how the summer would go. Was it selfishness? A little.

The thing is, I found myself agreeing with Dave that I wasn't willing to work to explain them. I was working. My head swam in circles. The emotions I was dealing with were rather ugly. I wanted to sort them out and get rid of them just as much as the next guy.

But that was it. They were ugly. And a proper explanation of them might have pointed to ugly things deep within my nature. The whole problem was I felt they went against my nature, which is why I chose to look at things in a different way and try to be happy for them. Sometimes happiness takes a little work, but not any more than it takes to fuel a fire of ugliness. And I really would rather work for something better.

Also, semantics. Aren't words used for emotions a catch-all for things common to human experience and also to humans' inability to describe them otherwise? Can't pictures and music describe them better in ways? Don't they exist to fill in the gaps? Maybe that's why the road ends when we use words. Hate and love are only four letters. Powerful when put together, even though the debate of whether they can actually be explained logically or not may never sleep.

One more pause. One more thing to make this argument even more important to me: I think I'm falling in love. It's a new kind of love for me, in so many ways. And trying to explain it feels so trite, because if I really did, I wouldn't have time to do anything else. I know it's not as deep as love can grow over time. I'm excited about how utterly spectacular it might one day be. But at the same time, it means so much more to me than it ever has.

Even that sentiment alone feels trite. Because every time a person falls in love that's probably common. But it's true. And going into reasons just doesn't do it, because not one thing makes it any more special. It's the combined total of him and me and what it is like to be with him. Not words. Not actions alone. Not what you like. Not what you have in common. These things all have their place, I know, but you can see how it has become so hard to explain, can't you?

So if someone were to ask me why, I could try, but maybe I'm lazy. Because in this particular instance I just think it would be easier to ask me why not. And I do think that is logical.

I used to argue with someone that falling in love was not a choice. But in ways, it is. My first roommate in college told me I didn't have to love unconditionally. She was right.

If love were illogical it wouldn't have to be earned. But I'm at a state in my life where my love isn't free, and I do choose whom I give it to. And that seems pretty logical to me.

So there you have it. I can explain it, but I can't.

Only, it just crossed my mind that though I can't explain it, it could still be logical. Maybe I don't fully understand it, but it's there. Maybe because I can feel it is only beginning.

And maybe logic and emotion do not contradict each other at all. Just as something so all-consuming and complex as being in love can also be so goddamn ridiculously simple and easy.