Friday, April 08, 2005
I want a pony!
Ok, not really. I'm being such a slacker today. Well, lately even. I haven't done anything today. I wonder what I should be doing. A few things come to mind: quitting smoking, running, cleaning the house, Italian homework, a load of laundry. Meh.
So, the things about it is, sometimes I think I'm becoming lazy and shallow. But I'm happier, so I'm not sure what I want to do about it.
'Cause sometimes I say things, and I feel like they're wrong, but I can't help it.
I also say things out of habit. Things I am used to believing, but don't anymore. Recycled beliefs. Like when I tell everyone my five favorite bands are Weezer, Rilo Kiley, Jimmy Eat World, Cursive, and DCfC.
I love them all. I really do. But I developed that list when I was 22. It's not exactly what I'm listening to lately.
Same thing with being single. Fuck. Wes and I had a state-of-the-relationship talk like three weeks ago. And he pulled out the whole "I've been single for a long time, blah, blah, blah ... You're the coolest girl I ever dated, blah, blah, blah ..."
And I agreed with the stuff about singledom. I was like, "I don't want a relationship right now, blah, blah, blah ... I have baggage too, blah, blah, blah ... I'm not looking for anything ..."
And then he said he didn't know if he could casually date someone, and that he couldn't separate sex from emotions, which I've never heard a man on this friggen earth say and told him so ...
Yeah, so when I went to kiss him goodnight, there wasn't much on the other side. There was small moment, which I ignored, where I knew that was it.
Even so, at first I was angry. But now I'm like, who cares. I'm more angry about the fact that I lied. Because the truth is, out of context, I did mean what I was saying. That's the kind of crap I say all the time, and I mostly mean it.
I like my life. I wouldn't settle for anyone I didn't think was special. But I thought he was special, or I wouldn't have bothered to date him.
This surprisingly hurts way less than it feels like it should. For the most part, I'm cool. Except I miss hangin' out with him.
C'mon. Who else would sing Oasis, Clarence Carter, The Darkness, and the Beastie Boys all in one night's karaoke? Oh, well.
Ok, not really. I'm being such a slacker today. Well, lately even. I haven't done anything today. I wonder what I should be doing. A few things come to mind: quitting smoking, running, cleaning the house, Italian homework, a load of laundry. Meh.
So, the things about it is, sometimes I think I'm becoming lazy and shallow. But I'm happier, so I'm not sure what I want to do about it.
'Cause sometimes I say things, and I feel like they're wrong, but I can't help it.
I also say things out of habit. Things I am used to believing, but don't anymore. Recycled beliefs. Like when I tell everyone my five favorite bands are Weezer, Rilo Kiley, Jimmy Eat World, Cursive, and DCfC.
I love them all. I really do. But I developed that list when I was 22. It's not exactly what I'm listening to lately.
Same thing with being single. Fuck. Wes and I had a state-of-the-relationship talk like three weeks ago. And he pulled out the whole "I've been single for a long time, blah, blah, blah ... You're the coolest girl I ever dated, blah, blah, blah ..."
And I agreed with the stuff about singledom. I was like, "I don't want a relationship right now, blah, blah, blah ... I have baggage too, blah, blah, blah ... I'm not looking for anything ..."
And then he said he didn't know if he could casually date someone, and that he couldn't separate sex from emotions, which I've never heard a man on this friggen earth say and told him so ...
Yeah, so when I went to kiss him goodnight, there wasn't much on the other side. There was small moment, which I ignored, where I knew that was it.
Even so, at first I was angry. But now I'm like, who cares. I'm more angry about the fact that I lied. Because the truth is, out of context, I did mean what I was saying. That's the kind of crap I say all the time, and I mostly mean it.
I like my life. I wouldn't settle for anyone I didn't think was special. But I thought he was special, or I wouldn't have bothered to date him.
This surprisingly hurts way less than it feels like it should. For the most part, I'm cool. Except I miss hangin' out with him.
C'mon. Who else would sing Oasis, Clarence Carter, The Darkness, and the Beastie Boys all in one night's karaoke? Oh, well.
2 Comments:
I'm in my I hate men phase too...sometimes I wonder if I'm better off without them.
For the record, I wasn't trying to say I'm like that. In fact the part where I said I wasn't was in the "blah, blah, blahs." Meh. But I do think it is rare, which is not to say there aren't exceptions.
