Thursday, March 31, 2005
My penis is HUGE!
I'm so sick and tired of boys trying to be original. I always want to think they're different, but it's the same shit. For example, the following list.
Top 10 Worst and Most Overused Break-up Lines
1. "I just want to be friends."
2. "I don't want a relationship right now."
3. "It's not that I don't care. I've just been single for a long time, and I'm set in my routine."
4. "You're everything I want in a girl, and I'll probably be jealous of anyone you date, but I just don't want you."
5. "You don't want to date me. I'll just lose interest after three weeks, and you'll hate me."
6. "I won't treat you the way you deserve to be treated."
7. "You're out of my league."
8. "You're not my type."
9. "I think you're really hot, but ..." or "You're the coolest girl I've ever dated, and I'm not blowing smoke up your ass, but ..."
10. "I'm sorry. I was just lonely."
Words to the Wise, or Tips for the Ladies
Be on your guard and steer clear of him if ...
1. His favorite band is Bright Eyes or The Cure.
2. He spends all his money on weed or alcohol.
3. He's a self-proclaimed "sensitive" guy.
4. He has to invite his friends EVERY time you hang out. You are probably not actually dating, even if his words or physical actions suggest otherwise.
5. He uses the words "hanging out" to refer to a date. Even if I just did. Fuck it. Or if he calls you "dude" or "man" when you call him, like, "Hey man, what's up?" These words can be sharp indicators of your status as one of the guys, even if he has seen you naked.
6. He seems to have his shit together. It may at first be exceptionally hot that he has other priorities such as homework, until you realize it's only because he doesn't like you enough.
7. He spends more time on his hair than you do.
The moral of the story
When I grow up, I want to have a penis. It would be great to have a separate entity you could blame everything on when it's not going your way.
Girls don't have the option of saying, "I'm sorry. I was just thinking with my dick."
Well, I'm going to start, because you know what? My penis is HUGE!
I'm so sick and tired of boys trying to be original. I always want to think they're different, but it's the same shit. For example, the following list.
Top 10 Worst and Most Overused Break-up Lines
1. "I just want to be friends."
2. "I don't want a relationship right now."
3. "It's not that I don't care. I've just been single for a long time, and I'm set in my routine."
4. "You're everything I want in a girl, and I'll probably be jealous of anyone you date, but I just don't want you."
5. "You don't want to date me. I'll just lose interest after three weeks, and you'll hate me."
6. "I won't treat you the way you deserve to be treated."
7. "You're out of my league."
8. "You're not my type."
9. "I think you're really hot, but ..." or "You're the coolest girl I've ever dated, and I'm not blowing smoke up your ass, but ..."
10. "I'm sorry. I was just lonely."
Words to the Wise, or Tips for the Ladies
Be on your guard and steer clear of him if ...
1. His favorite band is Bright Eyes or The Cure.
2. He spends all his money on weed or alcohol.
3. He's a self-proclaimed "sensitive" guy.
4. He has to invite his friends EVERY time you hang out. You are probably not actually dating, even if his words or physical actions suggest otherwise.
5. He uses the words "hanging out" to refer to a date. Even if I just did. Fuck it. Or if he calls you "dude" or "man" when you call him, like, "Hey man, what's up?" These words can be sharp indicators of your status as one of the guys, even if he has seen you naked.
6. He seems to have his shit together. It may at first be exceptionally hot that he has other priorities such as homework, until you realize it's only because he doesn't like you enough.
7. He spends more time on his hair than you do.
The moral of the story
When I grow up, I want to have a penis. It would be great to have a separate entity you could blame everything on when it's not going your way.
Girls don't have the option of saying, "I'm sorry. I was just thinking with my dick."
Well, I'm going to start, because you know what? My penis is HUGE!
1 Comments:
Gee thanks ... now I feel *REALLY* underendowed.
-Dave
By 
, at
7:33 PM
