Tuesday, March 29, 2005
I wonder when my mind will stop wandering.
I'm sick as shit. Been sick since Sunday night. But, Cara, you may be asking, you were just sick like a month-and-a-half ago. I know, and it fucking sucks.
I blame the weather. My grandpa would say I've been kissing too many boys, but ...
Wes, the boy I am dating, has not called me in more than a week, minus a few text messages my friend Anja says don't count. His birthday is tomorrow ...
I had to go to school today because I had my Italian midterms. I took the written one this morning and had the orali this afternoon.
The good news is I got an A on l'esame orali. My professor told me. Yay.
The bad news is I think I might have bombed the written, meaning I did not get an A. I'd be surprised if I did as well as a B even. I fucked up. The test was over six chapters or so, with a disproportionate amount of material stemming from the chapter she covered just last week, which I unfortunately, neglected to study as well as the others.
My professor was confident I did well, though, because I have been doing well. I told her what happened, and she said I'd have a chance to make corrections. Phew.
It's just that I would feel like a total loser if I didn't make straight A's this semester. Because I only have eight hours and I don't even have a job. I feel so much like a bum so much of the time, when I'm not gloating about it, hah.
I've been seeing a career counselor. He told me not to talk about it with people so much because I need to start thinking about what I really want, which is why I haven't written about it, but sometimes I feel like since I started this process I am even more confused, when my aim was to come out of it less confused.
I came back to school wanting to graduate a.s.a.p. I need to do something else. I want to get out of here. I'm terrified at the whole "starting my life" thing, and the fact that life after a degree won't start until I'm more than a quarter-century old.
I think too much.
Now, if I want to give thought to what I really want to do, I may have to consider putting off my graduation to three years from now instead of two, unless I want to spend the next two on a degree I may or may not use. Or maybe two years if I wanted to start going in the summer, but I don't really want to give up camp.
And then I think about why camp is so important to me, and that maybe I'm overlooking or putting off a career somehow related or that could be just as fulfilling, but I have no idea what that is.
Yes, and venting to a computer or to you isn't helping the congestion in my head. I need to get some sleep.
I'm sick as shit. Been sick since Sunday night. But, Cara, you may be asking, you were just sick like a month-and-a-half ago. I know, and it fucking sucks.
I blame the weather. My grandpa would say I've been kissing too many boys, but ...
Wes, the boy I am dating, has not called me in more than a week, minus a few text messages my friend Anja says don't count. His birthday is tomorrow ...
I had to go to school today because I had my Italian midterms. I took the written one this morning and had the orali this afternoon.
The good news is I got an A on l'esame orali. My professor told me. Yay.
The bad news is I think I might have bombed the written, meaning I did not get an A. I'd be surprised if I did as well as a B even. I fucked up. The test was over six chapters or so, with a disproportionate amount of material stemming from the chapter she covered just last week, which I unfortunately, neglected to study as well as the others.
My professor was confident I did well, though, because I have been doing well. I told her what happened, and she said I'd have a chance to make corrections. Phew.
It's just that I would feel like a total loser if I didn't make straight A's this semester. Because I only have eight hours and I don't even have a job. I feel so much like a bum so much of the time, when I'm not gloating about it, hah.
I've been seeing a career counselor. He told me not to talk about it with people so much because I need to start thinking about what I really want, which is why I haven't written about it, but sometimes I feel like since I started this process I am even more confused, when my aim was to come out of it less confused.
I came back to school wanting to graduate a.s.a.p. I need to do something else. I want to get out of here. I'm terrified at the whole "starting my life" thing, and the fact that life after a degree won't start until I'm more than a quarter-century old.
I think too much.
Now, if I want to give thought to what I really want to do, I may have to consider putting off my graduation to three years from now instead of two, unless I want to spend the next two on a degree I may or may not use. Or maybe two years if I wanted to start going in the summer, but I don't really want to give up camp.
And then I think about why camp is so important to me, and that maybe I'm overlooking or putting off a career somehow related or that could be just as fulfilling, but I have no idea what that is.
Yes, and venting to a computer or to you isn't helping the congestion in my head. I need to get some sleep.
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