Saturday, December 11, 2004
She said she'd like it to snow
One night, several weeks ago, my gaslight came on as I was driving Craig home, and he made some comment about how I am perpetually almost out of gas, and we both laughed.
I explained how I had a problem with putting more than five dollars in the tank at a time. I felt my car was going to die anytime, and I didn't want any money to go to waste on gas that wouldn't be used when it did.
"That's how I am about a lot of things in my life," I said. "Kind of like putting too many eggs in a basket."
But lately, something has changed. I started putting 10 dollars in my tank. Or 15. Hell, today I put 20.
And I'm sure it's not the only thing that's changing. I can feel it. But for some reason, it makes me incredibly happy.
I like that I'm not afraid of investing in something. And I like that I'm not afraid to lose.
And I like that the first time I held Craig's hand I didn't even notice. I remember looking down, and there it was, and I didn't know how long his hand had been in mine or how it got there. And I thought silently and happily to myself about how wonderful it was, that his hand was there, that it had been there and I didn't notice, that I could be so comfortable.
One night, several weeks ago, my gaslight came on as I was driving Craig home, and he made some comment about how I am perpetually almost out of gas, and we both laughed.
I explained how I had a problem with putting more than five dollars in the tank at a time. I felt my car was going to die anytime, and I didn't want any money to go to waste on gas that wouldn't be used when it did.
"That's how I am about a lot of things in my life," I said. "Kind of like putting too many eggs in a basket."
But lately, something has changed. I started putting 10 dollars in my tank. Or 15. Hell, today I put 20.
And I'm sure it's not the only thing that's changing. I can feel it. But for some reason, it makes me incredibly happy.
I like that I'm not afraid of investing in something. And I like that I'm not afraid to lose.
And I like that the first time I held Craig's hand I didn't even notice. I remember looking down, and there it was, and I didn't know how long his hand had been in mine or how it got there. And I thought silently and happily to myself about how wonderful it was, that his hand was there, that it had been there and I didn't notice, that I could be so comfortable.
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