Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Let's pretend
Do you know what rules? Honesty. Like, you know, when people tell the truth.
Fuck.
Show me an honest boy, I'll show you an uncorrupted world.
Girls are dishonest too, mind you. Especially those catty bitches.
Maybe people are.
I think one time I talked to Randy about how I believed humans are rational only in the way that we are able to rationalize our actions after the fact. This is to say I'm a firm believer in justifications rather than acting on decisions.
And sometimes, it can't be avoided. You can't know all the truth about anything. I mean seriously, you'd have to tell your life story every time you met someone new, and even then what's the truth, when your perception of the story, its interpretation, and the sequence of events mixed with the desired picture of events begin to blur and fade into gray like cloudy night skies.
And so you try to be real. You try to live honest moments, moment to moment, and hope that they'll get it. Is that the you in the moment? Can you be freeze-framed as pure you, or is that still only a piece of you. A picture. Something that will be a photograph five seconds later, never to return except on carbon copy memory images of whomever chooses to recall it, or chooses not to recall it, but rather malfunctions and see pictures they already saw and would willfully not see them again.
And what's my malfunction? I haven't been this vague in awhile. I really have been trying, Randy. You're always telling me I'm the Queen at Being Vague.
But if I told the truth right now it would just take so much effort, and judging by how utterly incohesive this must sound, I think it might finally be time for me to go to sleep.
Do you know what rules? Honesty. Like, you know, when people tell the truth.
Fuck.
Show me an honest boy, I'll show you an uncorrupted world.
Girls are dishonest too, mind you. Especially those catty bitches.
Maybe people are.
I think one time I talked to Randy about how I believed humans are rational only in the way that we are able to rationalize our actions after the fact. This is to say I'm a firm believer in justifications rather than acting on decisions.
And sometimes, it can't be avoided. You can't know all the truth about anything. I mean seriously, you'd have to tell your life story every time you met someone new, and even then what's the truth, when your perception of the story, its interpretation, and the sequence of events mixed with the desired picture of events begin to blur and fade into gray like cloudy night skies.
And so you try to be real. You try to live honest moments, moment to moment, and hope that they'll get it. Is that the you in the moment? Can you be freeze-framed as pure you, or is that still only a piece of you. A picture. Something that will be a photograph five seconds later, never to return except on carbon copy memory images of whomever chooses to recall it, or chooses not to recall it, but rather malfunctions and see pictures they already saw and would willfully not see them again.
And what's my malfunction? I haven't been this vague in awhile. I really have been trying, Randy. You're always telling me I'm the Queen at Being Vague.
But if I told the truth right now it would just take so much effort, and judging by how utterly incohesive this must sound, I think it might finally be time for me to go to sleep.
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