Monday, April 05, 2004
Watch out, world, 'cause here I come to rock you.
So I've decided to start a new blog. And no, I'm still not cool enough to have my own domain name. I might be someday though.
The recent change is something I'm trying to balance out with the living change that is my life. The momentum of the change seems unstoppable these days.
Learning to make everyday decisions and then finding delight in them is turning out to be quite easy, though exhausting when your moving toward that from the old version of similated happiness you were once so used to.
For example, I always, always, always wanted to learn to play guitar. Old Cara would have told herself she couldn't afford one. New Cara, after spending $100 at a bar one night, in a string of nights, er a couple of weeks of drinking heavily after purposely losing a boyfriend, then not-so-on-purposely losing a cat, and then pledging undying devotion to an undeserving friend, realized that priorities can do a lot for a person, and her entire sense of self.
So you cut down on the drinking, and the going out to eat, 'cause it was really your ex who always liked to go out for eggs and potatoes and you were really just too tired of cooking for him to suggest anything else, and you find that you have money for a guitar, and a guitar case, and art supplies, and to go to the movies, and to eat whatever foods you want to at home, including your must-haves like your Wheat Thins and Nilla Wafers; and you find that even with all that you have money to fly out to a West Texas town and fall in love with the damn place while spending four glorious days with one of your best friends in the world. And you think, it's almost unsettling how happy I feel. It might go away.
And you think the feeling might leave you when you step off the plane back to the awful, concrete, dirty city and the piece of shit college you realize does nothing for you except cost you money for an education you feel is worth less than most of your experiences in the last five years outside of the classroom ...
But it stays with you. And the music comes, and you write a couple songs, and you practice changing chords. And you spend time at the parks in pretty weather.
And you think, I could get used to this. I could even write a song about it. I think I could.
So I've decided to start a new blog. And no, I'm still not cool enough to have my own domain name. I might be someday though.
The recent change is something I'm trying to balance out with the living change that is my life. The momentum of the change seems unstoppable these days.
Learning to make everyday decisions and then finding delight in them is turning out to be quite easy, though exhausting when your moving toward that from the old version of similated happiness you were once so used to.
For example, I always, always, always wanted to learn to play guitar. Old Cara would have told herself she couldn't afford one. New Cara, after spending $100 at a bar one night, in a string of nights, er a couple of weeks of drinking heavily after purposely losing a boyfriend, then not-so-on-purposely losing a cat, and then pledging undying devotion to an undeserving friend, realized that priorities can do a lot for a person, and her entire sense of self.
So you cut down on the drinking, and the going out to eat, 'cause it was really your ex who always liked to go out for eggs and potatoes and you were really just too tired of cooking for him to suggest anything else, and you find that you have money for a guitar, and a guitar case, and art supplies, and to go to the movies, and to eat whatever foods you want to at home, including your must-haves like your Wheat Thins and Nilla Wafers; and you find that even with all that you have money to fly out to a West Texas town and fall in love with the damn place while spending four glorious days with one of your best friends in the world. And you think, it's almost unsettling how happy I feel. It might go away.
And you think the feeling might leave you when you step off the plane back to the awful, concrete, dirty city and the piece of shit college you realize does nothing for you except cost you money for an education you feel is worth less than most of your experiences in the last five years outside of the classroom ...
But it stays with you. And the music comes, and you write a couple songs, and you practice changing chords. And you spend time at the parks in pretty weather.
And you think, I could get used to this. I could even write a song about it. I think I could.
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